I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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