I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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