help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
