Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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