What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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