# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
