Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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