Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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