"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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