just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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