Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
