new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
