uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My cat gives me a boner
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
