I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
