Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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