I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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