I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Randomize
