Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I need to stop coming to work sober
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
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