The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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