Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just tell him i said nine months
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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