omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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