dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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