I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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