So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
