I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
