Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
