I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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