Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
