his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
