the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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