i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
