so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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