We won't sleep together?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
