Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
