Girls should come with a carfax report
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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