I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
