oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
