I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
