I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
