Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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