I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
