Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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