Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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