Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
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well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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