i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
