Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can't trust your balls anymore.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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