The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
