if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
