My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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