dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
