so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
