Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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