He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
