so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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