The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
