Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
