no. you can't hotbox the world.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
