First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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