If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
