I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize