Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(812): View more from Indiana

Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate

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(720): View more from Colorado

She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.

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(731): View more from Tennessee

I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...

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(208): View more from Idaho

Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.

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