Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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