I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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