if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
zippers are such a cool invention
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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