If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
