Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
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It sounds like you need the "White Knuckler."
God dammit I'm just picturing thousands of deep paper cuts on my penis.
"Bloody hand job" is only acceptable if give by British woman. "Sliced penis" is not acceptable ever.
My penis hurts just from reading this.
Sounds like a nightmare....