oh god the rape fog is back!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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