like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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