mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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