Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
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Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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