buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
