I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
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I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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