Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
