I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
