the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
