Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
