He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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