Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
