i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
