Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
