So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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