i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
