I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
