What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
