So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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